2011 Client Story

Tammie is eight months pregnant with her third child. She and her two young girls were referred to PAVE by her co-worker a few months ago, when the co-worker saw unusual bruising that looked like finger prints on her arms. Tammie called the crisis line and talked with an advocate, mostly about safety planning, but did not come into shelter.

A few nights ago, Tammie's boyfriend threatened her and her unborn child with a gun. She called the police and he was arrested, but was released the next day on a signature bond. Fearful for her and her children's safety, Tammie chose to come into shelter. The police escorted her to our door.

Tammie filed for a restraining order the following morning, with the assistance of PAVE''s legal advocate. Tammie got the temporary restraining order granted, but she decided not to show up for the hearing to determine the final order for the injunction because she was afraid of seeing her boyfriend at the hearing. PAVE's legal advocate offered to attend the hearing with her for support and reassured her of the excellent security at the Dodge County Courthouse, however Tammie was more concerned about what her boyfriend would do after hearing, perhaps stalking her or attacking her once she left the court house. She could not be convinced that attending the hearing would be a safe option for her.

Tammie lives in shelter for several weeks, working on the priorities she has set – finding work and getting her girls to behave better before baby comes. The young girls are out of control. They run around the shelter screaming and throwing toys. They kick and hit mom, each other and the other children in shelter. The girls refuse to participate in the activities the Children's Advocate plans for them and it is very difficult for staff to help them. Tammie has met with PAVE's Children's Advocate, who is working with her on utilizing time outs and positive reinforcement for good behavior. While this is helping, it does not truly solve the immediate potential for the children to harm others until their behavior comes around. Each week, PAVE staff try something new to help the girls feel safe and cared for.

While working hard on parenting skills, Tammie is struggling to find work. The economy is poor and she is visibly very pregnant. She is offered some temporary work, but it requires being on her feet 8-10 hours a day, which compounds some of the health issues she is having with her pregnancy. Rental assistance money in the county has been used up for this year and there is more than a year wait for state aid, meaning Tammie would need to pay for independent housing on her own. She works on budgeting and accessing community resources for things like clothing and food, but she still does not know how her and the children would survive on her income from temp work alone.

After staying with us about a month, Tammie's baby is born. A little boy. Her boyfriend found out from friends about the birth and is doing whatever he can to try to meet his son. He calls Tammie 10-12 times a day asking her to come home. He promises to change and tells her how much he loves her. Tammie does not know what do to. Staff notice Tammie is becoming less engaged with the girls, she forgets to regularly change the baby and barely gets out of bed. We are concerned she may be experiencing some postpartum depression. We refer Tammie to Dodge County, suggesting she get an evaluation and some help. She refuses to make the call, saying she is just exhausted.

After six weeks in shelter, Tammie decides to move back in with her abuser. He has promised to change and Tammie does not think she can raise a baby and two young children alone.

A few weeks after Tammie leaves shelter, she calls us on the crisis line crying and barely able to talk. She tells us things were great for awhile. She was enjoying home made steak dinners and she barely ever had to change a diaper. Tonight, she got into an argument with her boyfriend about the girls and he hit her. He said if she dared to leave him again, he would get a lawyer and file for full custody and placement of their son and she would never see him again. He also threated to get the girls taken away because she was unfit mother and wouldn't take care of them. PAVE's legal advocate reassured Tammie that her boyfriend has no rights to the girls (who are not his children) and referred Tammie to local attorneys that have received training on assisting victims of violence. Tammie is offered shelter, but she refuses, too afraid to leave. We hope that she will call again if she needs us.

2010 Client Story

Child Protective Services (CPS) has referred Janet and her two children to PAVE for shelter. CPS has explained to Janet that if she did not take steps to protect the children, they would be removed from her care. The children, Amy age 5 and Jeffery age 7, have been removed from the home and placed in foster care before, due to their father, Ted's neglect. Janet is fearful about entering shelter because Ted threatened if Janet ever left him or did not comply with his sexual demands, he would make sure the children paid for her misbehavior in the worst ways. Janet has begrudgingly complied with CPS and she enters our shelter, hoping to protect her kids.

As soon as the family settles in at PAVE, it becomes apparent that the children do not understand how to show respect for each other, their mother, or the other children residing in shelter...likely due to the environment they grew up in. Jeffery calls his mother “bitch”, “whore” and worse every time she attempts to discipline him. He pushes and chokes his sister, Amy during minor disagreements and Amy slaps him back. Amy then seeks to take her aggression out on the other, younger children in shelter. This creates immediate tension between Janet and the rest of the adults in shelter that rightly want their children protected. With tears in her eyes and completely exhausted from the recent violent fight with her husband that forced her to transplant her family into shelter , Janet seeks guidance from our Children's Advocate. Janet and the children slowly begin to learn healthier ways to deal with conflict, including new communication and anger management skills. Janet learns about utilizing times outs, the importance of consistency in discipline and gets a sympathetic ear for her struggles.

The children try their best, but sometimes fall back into old behaviors. Amy usually will follow Janet's rules and accept time outs. However, when Amy is frustrated she takes to screaming and slamming doors in the shelter, frightening other families. The Children's Advocate teaches Amy to scream into a pillow when she is angry and suggests she ask Janet to utilize one of the free passes the YMCA has offered to PAVE's shelter clients to go swim off some steam. Jeffery, on the other hand, is convinced that if his dad were here, he would not have to listen to any of this. He continues to fight with Janet and Amy and it is a tense time in the shelter. After about a month, the children are required by court order to have some visits with Ted. Jeffery returns from these visits sullen, but much more willing to work with Janet and PAVE's Children's Advocate. Jeffery discloses that his dad had never been mean to him before, but at the last visit he told Jeffery he was sick of having to babysit him and Amy. Jeffery finally opens up and talks about how sad that makes him feel.

PAVE's Case Manager meets with Janet and a team of agencies and individuals including Lutheran Social Services, Child Protective Services, Victim Witness, Janet's pastor and Janet's counselor. PAVE is fortunate to have this opportunity because Janet signed a release agreeing to waive confidentiality among her service providers. If she had refused, PAVE would need to keep her services confidential and could not collaborate in this way. During meetings with PAVE's Case Manager, Janet learns about the cycle of violence. Janet is most surprised it is a cycle, with a honeymoon, or good period, happening to rebuild trust which is later abused to regain control. At first, Janet is angry about this realization, but comes to understand that she can actively make choices to change her situation.

Over several months of self esteem building and renetworking with her support system of family and friends, whom she had been isolated from, Janet shares that her true goal to move back to Florida. Ted is no longer seeking any visitation with the children, stating he cannot deal with their outbursts and he does not think he should be Janet's free babysitter, and agrees to a court order that maintains his custody rights but provides him with no visitation and allows Janet to move to Florida.

As Janet plans for her trip, she expresses concern over having enough money until she finds a new job and owning six more months of rent under her current lease. She works with PAVE's Legal Advocate to request that her landlord terminate her tenancy under the new Wisconsin safe housing laws. Janet provides her landlord with a copy of the criminal complaint against Ted and her landlord removes her from the lease. PAVE's Case Manager provides Janet with a taxi to the bus station from our Alliant Energy Grant and St. Vincent's and a few local churches help her with bus fair to Florida. PAVE's Sexual Assault Victim Advocate provides Janet with numbers for the advocacy program, like PAVE, in the community she is moving to, so she can begin to work through the sexual assault she endured with Ted.

About a month after Janet leaves, we receive a call from Karen. Karen is Ted's mother and grandmother to Amy and Jeffery. Karen begins by asking about Janet and the children. PAVE does not confirm or deny any information related to Janet. Karen then begins to discuss that she heard good things from Janet about PAVE, and Karen is really calling because she would like our help. Ted was unable to continue to pay rent on his own income after Janet moved to Florida. He has now moved back in with Karen and she is fearful of Ted and what he will do. Karen tells us she felt like she was going crazy, as she kept missing her medical appointments. When Karen told Ted about it, he said she must be getting senile. He promised to take care of her and never put her in a home. He suggested that Karen deposit her social security checks into his account and let him worry about the bills. Karen says she started receiving late and collection notices. She discovered her bills had never been paid. She is several months behind and afraid that she will loose her home that she remortgaged to pay Ted's attorney fees. Now truly concerned, Karen begins to look into her missed appointments and discovers that Ted has been calling to change them without telling her, creating a situation in which she would feel vulnerable. Karen does not want to report her son to law enforcement, as she believes he is a good person and would have turned out okay if his dad hadn't beat him. Karen starts meeting weekly with PAVE's Case Manager to try to get her life back on track.

2009 Client Story

Sara is in her late 40s and has lived her entire life in rural Wisconsin. She began seeking PAVE services through the crisis line. Sara disclosed she has a handful of neighbors, but does not see them often. The only time she really leaves the house is doctor appointments or to attend church and both of these she does with her husband. When her husband leaves the house, he takes all the keys with him so she is quite literally trapped at home.

Sara has adult children with her husband, but she does not communicate with them. Many years ago her daughter, who grew up in this violent home, offered to let Sara move in with her. Knowing this situation would throw her husband into a rage, Sara declined the offer. Her daughter has not spoken to either of them since. Sara is closest to her cats. The last time her and her husband got into an argument, he placed one of the cats in the freezer and threatened to leave it there indefinitely next time she disobeyed him.

Sara does not work, but receives disability as her only source of income. Her husband has signed and cashed her disability checks ever since she began receiving them over 10 years ago.

After several hours of options counseling, Sara reluctantly decides to enter shelter, believing it is the only way she will stay alive. Her cats are transported to the Humane Society, where they will be sheltered while Sara receives PAVE services.

Sara spends the first few days at PAVE sleeping. When she meets with staff she is groggy and difficult to understand, confusing the staff and Sara herself. As time passes, Sara comes to believe her husband may have been altering her medications in an attempt to kill her. She has disclosed that she struggles with mental health issues and regularly sees a doctor, so has a large variety and quantity of medications. While at PAVE she agrees to continue to work with her doctor to stabilize her medications and track proper dosing.

Sara is genuinely afraid to leave the shelter and refuses to discuss independently living during the first month of her stay for fear that her husband will find her. Sara is also not used to communal living and with many children also residing at PAVE, Sara finds it a difficult arrangement so spends much of her time in her room.

PAVE staff come to discover Sara's fear is well placed. Her husband has been repeatedly calling a variety of places – from her doctor's office to human services - looking for her. He also called PAVE on several occasions pretending to be everything from a handy man to their pastor to determine if she was residing here. PAVE staff continues to state to all callers that they cannot confirm nor deny whom we work with because Sara has not signed a release for PAVE to speak with anyone. Because of this heightened safety risk, staff is glad United Way of Watertown supported the installation of security cameras and new intercoms this year.

During her second month at shelter, Sara begins to consider a safety plan for living outside of shelter. She discusses the option of pursuing a restraining order with PAVE's legal advocate, but decides against it. Her husband has never hit her. Even though he has restrained her with enough force to leave bruises, no one ever witnesses this due to her extreme isolation.. As much as she believes her husband altered her medications, she has no proof. Sara has never called the police, but explains to PAVE's legal advocate that during an argument her husband bloodied his own nose, called the police and claimed she hit him. Neither person was arrested, but the police asked them both to keep their behavior in check.

Sara expresses fear of the legal system because she thinks her husband will use it to either have her involuntarily committed, due to her mental health issues or attempt to frame her for his death. He has threatened suicide in the past, saying he would tell friends and family it was her fault before taking his own life. Once, he stabbed himself in the leg and on the way to the hospital threatened her the entire way that he would blame her once they arrived. When he got there, he told the hospital that he hurt himself while working in the yard and explained to Sara how grateful she should be for his discretion.

During a support group discussion, Sara discloses she has considered leaving in the past, because of the isolation, control and frequent unwanted sexual contact by her husband. However, Sara believes herself to be a “good Christian woman” and did not want to do wrong by leaving her marriage. Once this is disclosed, PAVE refers Sara to one of the area churches, whose faith leaders have expressed an understanding of the dynamics of power and control and intimate partner violence. Sara expresses much relieve that she may continue with her strong faith practices in a safe place.

After three months of shelter living, Sara finally feels safe enough to find independent housing. She received a small amount of rental assistance from an Alliant Energy grant to PAVE and a food box when she was ready to move out. She continues to contact PAVE for economic assistance and to discuss her life transition

Maria is 27.  She has three children– Amelia (8), Andrew (4) and Alisha (2).  They came to stay at PAVE because Maria’s boyfriend, Nate,, threatened to kill her in a drunken rage.  While Maria has been emotionally, verbally and physically abused by him for all three years of their relationship, he has never been physically violent around the children before.  When she came to shelter, Maria reported that it is because all three children witnessed this recent event, she decided to flee.  Maria is extremely worried about what Nate will do to try to see the children; Amelia and Andrew are from another relationship and not his children.  Paternity has never been established, but Maria knows Alisha is Nate’s daughter and he will stop at nothing to see all three children.  This becomes evident the next day when PAVE receives a call asking about Maria and her children from Human Services.  Apparently, an anonymous report has been made that Maria beat Andrew for wetting the bed and she is now “hiding out” to avoid being caught for the abuse.  PAVE Advocates have not yet talked to Maria about confidentiality waivers, required by law if PAVE is to speak to anyone about her, because Maria speaks very limited English.  PAVE’s bilingual Advocate was only available to assist Maria for an hour when she came into shelter because she was needed by another client.

Once in shelter for a few days, Maria develops a safety plan and lists her goals with our Case Manager.  One of Maria’s goals is to find work.  However, she is afraid she will not be able to find a good job because the longest she has worked at a place has been 3 months.  Before meeting Nate, she was on public assistance and did not work.  Nate insisted they needed more money, so she got a job.  As soon as Maria started working Nate harassed her at work, calling or driving by every few hours to make sure she was still there.  Her employer, recognizing that Maria was distracted and not getting her work done let her go at her 30 day review.  Nearly the same situation happened at her next employer, except that she kept up appearances for 3 months until the employer caught on.  PAVE’s Case Manager got a confidentiality waiver signed to talk with the new employer Maria applied with and explained the history and situation.  Maria’s new employer has chosen to work with her on this situation, going so far as to agree to relocate her to a workplace location closer to her new apartment when she is ready to leave shelter. 

Maria assesses with PAVE’s Legal Advocate whether or not to move forward with a restraining order against Nate.  Maria decides that because she feels safe and Nate does not know where she or the children are, she would rather not “rock the boat”.  She also decides to not to apply for food stamps or childcare assistance, because she fears it would trigger a paternity action that would disclose her location.  PAVE’s Legal Advocate explains the “good cause exception” to Maria and informs her that she could file the appropriate paperwork to try to prevent that from happening.  Maria has distrust of “the system” and chooses to not apply for assistance or the exception.

Maria worked with PAVE’s Children’s Advocate to get Amelia registered for school when they arrived in shelter.  However, Amelia frequently complains of stomach aches and other pains.  Maria, feeling sympathy for Amelia, usually lets her stay home or go to school late.  The school, properly calls every morning the child is not accounted for looking for her.  Maria has not signed a confidentiality waiver for the school, because she is afraid her abuser will call there to get her location.  Unfortunately, this means PAVE cannot confirm or deny anything about Maria to the school, making teachers and other staff worry about the children’s well-being.  PAVE’s Children’s Advocate recognizes this as a warning sign and initiates a conversation with Amelia about her situation.  The Children’s Advocate uncovers not only a lot of stress, but Amelia also discloses that Maria’s boyfriend had been coming to her room at night and hurting her.  PAVE’s Sexual Assault Victim Advocate begins to meet with Maria and Amelia, and they find out Amelia has been keeping this secret for two years.  Maria and Amelia continue to receive options-counseling from PAVE’s Sexual Assault Victim Advocate even after they move out of shelter.

Even though Maria is now working, she struggles to find housing that she can afford.  After eight weeks in shelter, Maria and her family move out into their own apartment.  Maria continues to come to group for support regarding her domestic violence situation, as this was put on the back burner once her daughter’s sexual abuse was disclosed.  At support group, Maria begins to deal with her experience of domestic violence and focuses on making positive life changes.  Hopefully, she will continue to be a client in 2009.